(INT. OFFICE. IT’S A HORRID MESS, BUT TOM LOOKS AT HOME BEHIND A BATTERED DESK. TOM IS PLAYING WITH THE THINGS ON HIS DESK. HE’S HANGING RUBBERBANDS AROUND HIS EARS, THEN MANAGES TO FIT HIS HANDS THROUGH THE RUBBERBANDS AND GETS STUCK THAT WAY, HANDS FLAPPING WHILE THE BANDS PULL ON HIS EARS. STUCK AND IN PAIN, HE’S CAUGHT WHEN JEANIE ENTERS. THEY BOTH FREEZE FOR A BEAT BEFORE SHE FREES HIM WITHOUT A WORD.)
TOM
How many interviews have you set up?
JEANIE
One.
TOM
Just one? We’ve had that ad in for weeks!
JEANIE
Looks like (READS FROM PAPER IN HER HAND)
“Black Guy Wanted” doesn’t attract a lot of people.
TOM
When is the interview?
JEANIE
Now. I’ll send him in.
(JEANIE EXITS IMMEDIATELY, TOM MAKES A FUTILE ATTEMPT TO CLEAN UP AND LOOK APPROPRIATE.)
(RICHARD WHITE ENTERS WEARING A NICE BUSINESS SUIT AND CARRYING A SLIM CASE.)
TOM
(NOT LOOKING UP YET.)
You’re…
(LOOKS UP)
…white.
RICHARD
(EXTENDING HAND)
Richard White.
TOM
No, I’m sorry. You’re white.
RICHARD
I think several police and loan officers
would beg to differ.
TOM
There’s a misunderstanding. I need to hire
a black guy so it looks like we’re diverse, and you’re just not… black enough.
RICHARD
You’re very open-minded.
TOM
Thank you.
RICHARD
Do you also hire the mentally handicapped?
TOM
Almost exclusively.
RICHARD
Well, I assure you I am considered black.
I am also qualified.
(RICHARD HANDS TOM HIS RESUME)
TOM
(READING)
You live in the city, that’s good. Oh, University. Community College would have
been better.
(HAVING A SUDDEN IDEA)
What’s your middle name?
RICHARD
Stephen.
TOM
(WAVES DISAPPOINTEDLY)
Listen, R-Dog, can you at least pretend you’re
blacker? You look like you’d be a great general manager, but when my lawyer shows up again he’s going to want to be able to lose you in a dark room, if you know what I mean.
RICHARD
(STONILY)
I think I know.
TOM
If you can do that, you’re hired.
RICHARD
(STANDS STIFFLY, WEIGHING HIS LIMITED OPTIONS. FINALLY LOOSENS UP AND ANSWERS A MORE “URBAN” VOICE TOTALLY UNLIKE HIS OWN.)
Yo, I’m totally all over dat.
(THEY SHAKE HANDS)
TOM
(SHOUTING)
Jeanie!
(JEANIE IS ALREADY STANDING THERE)
Would you please show our new General Manager
around, and set him up on the schedule. And, one more thing, go to the post office and steal me some bigger rubber bands.
(JEANIE AND RICHARD EXIT)
